Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
