My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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