Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
