You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
