I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
