Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize