HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
