I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
