That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
