Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
