We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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