I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The air was thick with penises
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
