Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
