i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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