i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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