i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
