When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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