the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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