Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
