Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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