We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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