You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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