porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
