I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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