Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
