Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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