"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
