I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
