I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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