he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
