I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
