she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So apparently I’m into choking now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
