GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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