I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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