just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
