Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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