you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
please don't ironically join a cult
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