even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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