if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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