I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
