how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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