I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
