I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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