you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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