im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I want a musical about memes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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