My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
