If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
