don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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