shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
