how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
