the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
