Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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