Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
