[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
