thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
