i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we're making bets on your personal life
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
