Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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