the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
