Me too!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
