Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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