Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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