just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
