He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
