apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
