Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.

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  (646): Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down. http://tfl.nu/gdah
  Replies (36) Good night (1111) Bad night (3318)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.

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  (705): How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk? (1-705): I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month. http://tfl.nu/0dv4
  Replies (14) Good night (3740) Bad night (816)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.

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  (770): finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome. http://tfl.nu/2tsh
  Replies (10) Good night (1322) Bad night (2835)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do

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  (859): you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do http://tfl.nu/7olq
  Replies (5) Good night (5272) Bad night (1341)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.

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  (765): Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick. http://tfl.nu/t3m9
  Replies (8) Good night (1348) Bad night (814)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.

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  (205): Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here. http://tfl.nu/viom
  Replies (26) Good night (7639) Bad night (1467)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.

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  (609): he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it. http://tfl.nu/w24u
  Replies (18) Good night (1554) Bad night (6747)
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  (714): View more from California

  She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.

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  (714): She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse. http://tfl.nu/v3q7
  Replies (8) Good night (980) Bad night (2106)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed

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  (561): Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/ippt
  Replies (9) Good night (2518) Bad night (823)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship

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  (805): I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship http://tfl.nu/l6zt
  Replies (2) Good night (1473) Bad night (636)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.

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  (208): Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap. http://tfl.nu/81wb
  Replies (5) Good night (1190) Bad night (787)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed

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  (715): 1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed http://tfl.nu/vbeb
  Replies (7) Good night (2245) Bad night (525)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.

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  (651): His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve. http://tfl.nu/5nws
  Replies (5) Good night (721) Bad night (426)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.

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  (316): You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger. http://tfl.nu/ic08
  Replies (4) Good night (457) Bad night (1089)
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  (516): View more from New York

  On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.

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  (516): On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER. http://tfl.nu/qydu
  Replies (2) Good night (682) Bad night (313)

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