Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  So drunk i had to piss sitting down...

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  (803): So drunk i had to piss sitting down... http://tfl.nu/050t
  Replies (7) Good night (1090) Bad night (524)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  my mouth tastes like poor choices

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  (401): my mouth tastes like poor choices http://tfl.nu/2d46
  Replies (29) Good night (1380) Bad night (932)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.

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  (502): She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her. http://tfl.nu/ymnu
  Replies (36) Good night (4769) Bad night (1016)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around

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  (407): he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around http://tfl.nu/8mq7
  Replies (21) Good night (3677) Bad night (751)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

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  (540): Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift? http://tfl.nu/ixd3
  Replies (53) Good night (1819) Bad night (5780)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.

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  (508): I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long. http://tfl.nu/opva
  Replies (15) Good night (1507) Bad night (2959)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.

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  (901): There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/rmal
  Replies (2) Good night (3142) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.

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  (317): I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket. http://tfl.nu/1ame
  Replies (6) Good night (2099) Bad night (733)
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  (473): View more from Grenada-Carib

  Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.

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  (473): Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year. http://tfl.nu/y5js
  Replies (11) Good night (2468) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."

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  (541): So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here." http://tfl.nu/zbul
  Replies (5) Good night (1919) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day

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  (404): I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day http://tfl.nu/nvho
  Replies (1) Good night (887) Bad night (857)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make

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  (417): You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make http://tfl.nu/3d29
  Replies (5) Good night (2168) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.

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  (603): The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon. http://tfl.nu/hw0j
  Replies (4) Good night (974) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics

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  (215): I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics http://tfl.nu/7hhz
  Replies (7) Good night (1085) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?

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  (412): he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question? http://tfl.nu/r5st
  Replies (4) Good night (695) Bad night (414)

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