I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.