I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
