Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...

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  (410): To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor... http://tfl.nu/oppe
  Replies (3) Good night (1144) Bad night (532)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band

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  (214): I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band http://tfl.nu/l50n
  Replies (11) Good night (745) Bad night (1519)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

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  (817): is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign. http://tfl.nu/8cf5
  Replies (51) Good night (2541) Bad night (1229)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.

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  (917): I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina. http://tfl.nu/mdvg
  Replies (81) Good night (888) Bad night (9840)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat

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  (905): Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat http://tfl.nu/wtwy
  Replies (10) Good night (3394) Bad night (1451)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am midnight drunk by noon

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  (773): I am midnight drunk by noon http://tfl.nu/nu2g
  Replies (7) Good night (4624) Bad night (711)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?

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  (978): so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call? http://tfl.nu/91ao
  Replies (29) Good night (803) Bad night (7666)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

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  (662): "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again. http://tfl.nu/9nn9
  Replies (25) Good night (1384) Bad night (6848)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm

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  (214): she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm http://tfl.nu/qx0o
  Replies (8) Good night (3172) Bad night (1865)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday

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  (518): i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday http://tfl.nu/uz0x
  Replies (10) Good night (3135) Bad night (1000)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?

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  (816): Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation? http://tfl.nu/p01u
  Replies (2) Good night (2530) Bad night (804)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous

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  (308): this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous http://tfl.nu/2tix
  Replies (16) Good night (861) Bad night (3034)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.

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  (610): Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic. http://tfl.nu/dj8z
  Replies (27) Good night (1296) Bad night (3427)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I think I died last night.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah, you got carried home

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  (708): I think I died last night. (414): Yeah, you got carried home http://tfl.nu/8211
  Replies (1) Good night (682) Bad night (395)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"

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  (319): One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat" http://tfl.nu/szqu
  Replies (2) Good night (598) Bad night (318)

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